"I could go on forever about the tug of war that is recovery and all of the mental abuse you suffer through in order to achieve it but I won’t. Because everybody’s recovery looks different, I have no right to guarantee you a certain picture that you might not be able to paint.
In that case I will leave you with this: no matter how many times you get knocked down, no matter how deep into your disorder you are, there is a light somewhere in that tunnel. Whether or not you have to walk a little further in order to see it, it is there. But please remember that recovery is a choice and it’s one you make every day, every meal. But you can make it, and eventually you’ll start to feel the pride that goes with overcoming your eating disorder. You’ll lose the sick girl identity and you’ll find yourself again. You’ll finally be set free."
"I like being better, I said
It feels soft.
The edges are curved and I glide,
I do not run.
It’s like the world is less harsh.
I no longer feel like a serrated knife-
Walking around aimlessly.
Everyday afraid of the next person I will obliterate.
I no longer fear the words people say.
They do not matter.
Because I know I am better.
Not the very best,
But better than how I was.
A yes or a no, no longer sends my head spinning
Because I’ve grown quite fond of maybe.
Just as I am soft,
And it feels right.
In the same way a nice bowl of oatmeal,
feels warm in the morning.
Embracing the sunlight, too feels warm.
My glassy eyes were transformed with tears.
I thought I would never stop.
They said crying is healing,
I spat at their lies-
Disgusted by my vulnerability.
I used to be a piece of glass.
People watched me from a distance,
Always afraid to get too close
Because I would shatter.
But I realize my tears have washed away
much more than just mascara.
I learned to feel.
The phrase ‘It’s a healing process’ used to sound like a death sentence.
But now I see that it’s just them saying to be patient.
The virtue I am learning.
I was told to take refuge in thought that life is gradual,
I didn’t think it would ever come.
But it did.
When each day is not as hard as the last,
I know that I am no longer a serrated knife.
I am becoming soft.
Healing is a journey.
Love your blog! When you're done with your recovery binder, would you mind showing pictures?☺️💜
thanks so much! and yes! i finished it, when i have time i’m gonna start scanning the pages i made and getting the links for the ones i found online and then make a post about it :)
hey there! i've currently just started creating a blog aimed to help people with any problems that they may possibly be facing, and i just wanted to say that I found your blog great and was wondering if you could help me make this blog a little more useful seeing as i've just started and i'm finding it hard to start it off :/ congratulations with the 37 days self harm free by the way! i'm so proud of you :) stay strong x
yes! everyone go check out her blog!!
and thank you so much! <3
so i was chosen to participate in this thing called LeaderShape. basically, they pick students from all the colleges in a city (mine is baltimore) to participate. it’s a leadership retreat first, and then throughout the year each student has a vision for baltimore that they bring to life with an event.
the retreat starts on Sunday. i wasn’t going to go because of my relapse. my treatment team didn’t even want me going back to school, so LeaderShape was basically out of the question.
i’ve been feeling pretty good lately though, and my college and the city of baltimore has spent a lot of money just for me to go to LeaderShape, so i feel bad. of course i wouldn’t force myself if i really thought i couldn’t go, but i thought about it a lot and i think i’m gonna do it. four days of a two-hour group is really not going to make a big deal in the end, you know? it’s not like those four sessions i would have gotten out of IOP would like be life changing or something. and this whole retreat is about building us up and meeting other people and learning how to be better leaders, which i think will be really good for my self esteem actually.
i’m a little anxious because it’s like in two days, but i’m excited. i’m feeling better about getting better, if that makes sense. i have more hope.
ahhh i just realized i reached 1000 followers?!
thank you all so much!
you’re all wonderful, keep rocking recovery!
#dialectical behavior therapy
#borderline personality disorder
#major depressive disorder
#post traumatic stress disorder
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is a form of therapy created by Marsha Linehan, PhD. It is a modified version Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) with a focus on Mindfulness, which is pulled from Eastern mindfulness techniques. DBT was originally created to treat chronically suicidal and self-injuring individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), but has since been proven effective for many other mental illnesses including, but not limited to: depression, anxiety, PTSD, eating disorders, substance abuse, bipolar disorder, and self-injurers.
more info on DBT here and here
I first learned DBT two years ago at Timberline Knolls when I did residential, and it helped so much that I did a DBT intensive outpatient program when I got home from there. After “graduating” from my IOP, I created my own version of our DBT handbook that I could keep forever, basically. It took a long time- 28 pages- but it was worth it!
I wanted to share it with you all because I think everyone should learn DBT, whether they have mental health disorders or not!
"I thought I would be okay. I kept telling myself: “Work harder. Go home and get to bed early. Don’t tell others you’re unhappy.” I don’t know how to get through these long nights. I can’t sleep. I don’t want to hate myself."
Advice for ridding self of suicidal thoughts
Millions and even billions of events have occurred to ensure your very existence. Thus automatically, before you were even aware, you were set with a purpose. Think about how important this is. There is a much bigger picture and you have been chosen to be apart of this world. Your thoughts and actions, whether good or bad has set things in this universe in motion. As a human being you hold such marvelous power and revoking yourself of such power is revoking yourself of hope for a better future.